Memphis - Kudzu, BBQ Spaghetti, Advice for Hookers

The view out my Memphis hotel window is breathtakingly weird. A lone bridge spans the 'Sip River, below it is a Grain Elevator and a building that looks oddly like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. That's "The Pyramid" where sports are played, and it's 18 stories tall.

As I drove from Clarksdale, I saw a lot of Kudzu vine. It grows like ivy over buildings, trees and telephone poles through the South. (Music geeks: it's used on the cover of REM's classic first album Murmur). Dormant and gray in the winter, Kudzu wakes up in the spring, turns green, and starts enveloping its host. It's a pest weed all over the South, and no one knows what to do with it except hack it down. Scooter told me Ole Miss university has a lot of research sunk into finding uses for it.

I took a little piece of it for my office. I need at least one plant that looks healthy!

In the Blues City, I first made tracks to A&R Barbecue. A&R is in an interesting African American neighborhood that's economically depressed, but proud and friendly. On the wall there's a poster "10 Ways to Step Up and Be a Man". I went for some BBQ Spaghetti, which is spaghetti with pulled pork and a little extra BBQ sauce. Mmmmmmm! I finished it off with a spectacular piece of cake and caramel frosting and a Grape Crush.

In the parking lot, the cook was eyeing Teeny Weeny Weirdomobile. "New York?" He said. "You didn't drive that thing from New York!" Ah, but I did! And it was very comfortable too.

I slept a little to prepare for a trip to Beale St. Things can go all night down there. I ended up in BB Kings Blues Club, where Preston Shannon and the BB King All Stars were playing. It was too funky. Too funky! Give me some air! I could not resist getting on the dance floor a few times. I do not dance well, but hey ... sometimes the spirit moves one.

Now the bizarre part. Back at the bar, I'm drinking Jim Beam and soda when the woman next to me asks me where I'm from. Lisa is young, attractive and Black, wearing your everyday kind of jeans and a tight long sleeve t-shirt. And we have a pretty friendly and harmless chat. Then her questions start getting weird: "Where are you staying?" and "When do you plan on getting out of here?" I asked her why she wanted to know. "I can do things," she said. And she keeps looking at her phone and sending text messages.

Uh oh.

I tell her I'm going to stay awhile and I don't want to keep her from ... well, you know, whatever she has to do. (Look. It's not like there's an etiquette for this!) Finally she tells me she has to go. I wish her well. About 15 minutes later, another attractive black female starts asking me the same questions in the same order! I might as well have been wearing a shirt "I'm From Syracuse! And I have Money! Soliciters Welcome!"

It's too bad prostitutes don't have a trade magazine. I'd write an article on guys not to approach. Rule #1. If they are wearing a Red Cross Blood Donation pin, move on. Blood donors are always asked the question "Have you ever exchanged drugs or money for sex?" And that means ever. Even with questions like "Have you ever had sex with a man?" they only go back to 1977. But solicit one prostitute, and you're subject to a lifetime of embarassing explanations. I'm just saying.

I got back to my room at 3 AM, a wiser man indeed. Saturday is Music Appreciation day, and I can't wait!

From the Mailbag

My sister-in-law Lisa mentioned a certain video in which I'm supposedly dancing, then asks "Oh yeah, Craig, I do have a totally unrelated question I've been meaning to ask...How hard is it to transfer video to a computer file and upload to YouTube??? "

Answer: It is technically impossible. Don't even try!